


Say You'll Remember Me

by xRamona



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Lydia misses her best friend, Lydia-centric, POV Lydia Martin, RIP Allison Argent, and nobody can fault her for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 14:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2854928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xRamona/pseuds/xRamona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia thinks about Allison a lot after her death<br/>Lydia ventures from mourning Allison to mourning memories<br/>aka a tiny little free form type thing i did in lydia's perspective</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say You'll Remember Me

You died at seventeen and I am trying my hardest to not be angry, to not be bitter, but you left  
me alone to fight off the cold that followed me in place of you.  
  
You died and it was so long before I could even whisper your name to myself again.  
Walking in the halls and drowning out the whispers with the  _click click_ of my heels,  
fighting the overwhelming urge to look beside me or turn around, in hopes it had been  
just another nightmare.

You died saving lives, but you died and there was nothing to keep me afloat.

You died and it was raining when I finally spoke to you again.  
The storm that spattered hard onto my roof and slammed against my windows, and in it's rage  
I gained the nerve to whisper my thoughts.  
I cried and every syllable seemed to topple out of my mouth,  
in a race to be let out  
I asked you why and in a pitiful moment of delicacy I asked you to come back  
I begged you to return, to be my best friend again  
to be my warrior  
my savior when I couldn't be my own  
I pleaded into the storm, I screamed over the lighting and thunder and yelled  
every profanity I'd ever known at you  
because you left me  
without a goodbye or an apology  
and I shouldn't have hated you then  
but with a pillow against my chest, our picture in my hand, and my back against my bed  
    **I did**

You died and it was three months before I forgave you  
before I knew your death wasn't really in vain  
you died for me  
for Isaac  
For Scott  
For Stiles  
For Erica and Boyd  
For those we'd lost long ago and for those you'd saved with a fatal wound  
I finally forgave you because I knew  
that was the only way you would accept death yourself  
to have given your life in turn of those you cared for

You died for those reasons  
and while they are the reasons I love you, they have cost me somebody irreplaceable  
and that in itself in unforgivable  
so I blame your reasoning and cause, but not you  
never you

You died and I miss you  
It was February when I could walk into your room again  
I expected the scent of musk but instead I only got a floral scent that made me think of lavenders and oak trees  
strong and beautiful and if there is anything that anybody could compare Allison Argent to  
it must have been lavenders and oak trees  
I cleaned up, I made your bed and arranged your old schoolbooks  
I found the sticky notes you'd lost,  
the ones with birds on the edges and I wrote  
 _im sorry_  
on one and curled up on your bed  
I cried into your pillow but it wasn't like crying into you  
there were no careful whispers, no soothing noises and strong but thin arms to hold me   
until the flow of tears had ceased  
but it was close enough and   
I could swear I heard your voice again before I dreamed of  
lavenders and oak trees  
     ~~but thats probably because i miss your laugh  
~~                       ~~i miss you~~

You died and I went back to your room on your birthday  
I brought you flowers  
white roses with a blue ribbon  
I bought a balloon, a light pink in hopes you'd know it was from me and tied a letter to it  
I wrote to you about whats happened  
I wrote about how much I missed you and how I'd give anything for one more conversation  
I told you I loved you again and again until the words were sloppy and stained with tears  
I told you a lot, but I didn't say goodbye

You died and I dont know if you got the letter  
it's hard to believe in anything when your best friend dies at seventeen  
in the arms of her first love  
it's makes it hard to hope to believe in anything or anybody that would let that happen  
that would let teenagers fight against things nobody would be ready to fight  
that would let teenage girls go on without a  
brunette with a talent for archery   
working with them at every turn

You died and your dad let me keep your bow  
 ~~one of them, anyways~~  
and when I run my finger against the arrow shaft I swear I can feel you beside me  
feel your hand on my wrist, breath just barely brushing my cheek  
feel your eyes crinkling and dimples going deep when you grin  
feel you there, watching me  
and it gives me a piece of you when I'm lonely  
 ~~I'm lonely a lot, it seems, since you left~~  
I swear I can hear your laugh filling your room, filling my head and making my heart  
clench painfully  
but for those few moments, I'm not sure  
if that secret time with your memory  
with your ghost  
is a blessing or a curse  
if it wards away the grief or invites it into my soul  
  
You died and I still miss you  
but smiling isn't so hard now  
and I laugh a lot more  
and I hope wherever you are, Allison, that you're happy  
and I hope that you're proud of me,  
because I am nothing if not proud of you

 

 


End file.
